aye, been in one fight. i lost bc it was my first. but i swear, i can fight. try me.
This is a post from a girl I know. She is 12yrs old, and we will call her Roxy, cause she rocks. Now, I am almost 30 (will be in a hair over a month now), and have no blood relation to this young girl. She used to be my neighbor in the apartment complex I live in. I could get into how I try to hang out with the kids here cause i have a kid, or being a good example, but this isn't why I made this post....I'm not the star here. She is.
I read this today, and for a second I felt a little sting. But then, I realized it wasn't a sting I was feeling, it was pride. I felt proud of Roxy. We all eat dirt at least once in our lives, right? She not only felt a ding to her ego, but she posted it on facebook, for the whole world to see. Not to mention that she didn't give up or cower back. She let everyone know that losing did nothing to her.
This was such a small post. 20 words. 12yrs old. I'm here to tell you right now, there is a lot to learn from this little lady. I wanted to brag on her for a minute. After thinking about what i read, I realize this is one of the bravest kids I know. She's really saying, maybe without even realizing it, that she lost this fight, but that you will have to fight her every single time if you want to pick on her. That she's willing to lose over and over if that's what it takes & that she knows that she will NOT lose every time.
She might have lost this one, but in the same statement, she makes it clear that she learned something, maybe a few things. That it wasn't so bad, and that she might not be a mean girl, but she's not a doormat. There is a humbleness in her statement that I respect, there is a confidence that I envy, and there is a strongness that I admire. This girl, my former neighbor, the girl I taught to make different recipes in my kitchen through the spring and summer. A girl who even when she wasn't a teen, had some of the best manners and was a little more quiet than the others that ran through the house. Everyone liked her, she was funny, polite, and very thoughtful. It's hard for me to think of someone picking a fight with her. I had fights picked with me in school, but her?
It's actually kind of weird, the other day, I was talking to someone, and they told me i was easy to get along with. I don't even know why I said this. It's true, but its nothing to be proud of. I'm gonna just put it out there.
Up until the 7th grade, I hadn't made a "friend". This isn't an exageration. The few times that someone got along with me, or came around, it was either to tease me later, or was quickly squashed by the fear that they would be ostricized by the other students, and was considered not worth it. Once I hit 7th grade, I met a new chick that came to our district, and we made fast friends. She was really nice to me, and she was really unique. I didn't know how to make friends...I was nice enough, but I just hadn't had any social experience.
I'm not saying that for any kind of, I don't know, any feelings that make you go "aawwww", or "too bad", or "poor thing". That's not what that little story is about. I don't feel bad for it. I'm proud of myself for being scared and hanging out with her anyway. And I was scared, I had been teased and tricked and had hopes crushed a million times. It could have been the same that time, but I rolled the dice and I was happy i had.
And Roxy, she doesn't even fit the profile I was in.....she is very likeable. But teens are raging balls of hormones so I'm sure some girl out there is mean & wants to look tough in front of some boy. I'm not even sure what the fight was over, or what happened, I just seen this not too long ago. I told myself to hop on here b4 I either a)forgot what I wanted to say b)got side tracked or c) decided that I didn't feel like writing (which as you can see by the dates, tends to happen to me here n there.
I told Roxy "you said you lost because....Nope! You won because you took up for yourself. Because you took your licks, and you didn't get all embarrassed and hide away. You posted it on facebook and told everyone that you lost, but you tried"
To me that was an epic win. I'm not sure she could've won more, in my eyes, even if she'd won the fight. I told her that fighting isn't a winner/loser type of thing. And after all these words....that's kinda what this post was about.
I told her a story about me that proves this win/no win point. There was no clear winner. And that I was scared out of my mind the whole time, but wouldn't have dared to let anyone know that for 1 second!
I didn't even mean to get into a fight that evening. I wasn't angry, and the day had been mediocre at best. I was coming to someone's apt for a reason I don't even remember anymore. I got to the top of the stairs leading down to the building, and at the bottom, a small crowd had formed. It all happened so fast, I hadn't realize that a few people in that crowd were my very friends!
"who's getting a beatdown?" I said to literally no one in particular.
" THAT'S _______(we'll call her jackie)!!!" my friend(we'll call him john) yelled back. John?...Jackie? JOHN!!! JACKIE!!!!
I didn't even think. It was like someone hit me with a lightning bolt. See, Jackie was one of the toughest girls I knew. No one talked back to her, no one wanted to be on her bad side. She had this vibe about her that just made you know things wouldn't end your way. Here she was, at the bottom of the stairs, on the ground, with this...gorilla of a woman on top of her, pummeling her.
Had I took an extra second to think this through, i might not have done what i did next. Before i even knew what i was doing, I was running down the stairs. By the time I got close to the bottom, Godzilla had let go of my friend and reared her ugly head in my direction. I could feel the power springing out of my legs as I dashed at her with everything I had. I was driven, I was determined, I was ready for go time!!!
I ran right into her fist. Yes, you read that right. She didn't so much as punch me, as I punched myself with her gnarled claw. Yep....laugh it up. It happened just like that. Because apparently, that's how I've always rolled.
By the time the stars started clearing from my vision, she had me by either side of my head. I could feel my feet lift off of the ground, and in a true moment of "holy shit!!1" i grabbed her arms so I was not separated from it. I think she might have peppered me with a few more punches before picking me up by my melon, but i really have no idea because i was so dazed and then the sheer surprise of what was now happening to me, was enough not to care.
I took the elevator up to look at this goliath in her eyes. And she looked pissed & pleased at the same time. Right then, in that very moment in time, fear struck me like a freaking lightning bolt from the gods. When fight or flight kicked in, i was hovering off the ground, held by this amazonian. So i did what i imagine any scared as hell person would do. I swung my legs over and got on the side of her. When she let go, I got her in a choke hold and tucked my head down and just squeezed.
After what felt like an eternity later, she went from pummeling me, to tapping my arm with urgency. Everyone knows that's the universal symbol for crying uncle. So I shimmied down after making her nod yes to the question "If I let you go, we're done right?" in the meanest voice i could muster through the sheer terror I was living. Once I let her go, I immediately took a few steps back and other people filed in between us.
My friend that came there with me (who coincidently, had tried to help me the whole time, but was held back by a crowd) helped me into the apartment and i felt like i was going to pass out. Everyone was cheering and saying how I won this epic battle. I thought "did they just see the same fight I was in? or are we living in crazy town?"
I didn't argue, I liked that that scary woman was considered defeated by me. The thing is, I didn't win anything, I got beat like no one had ever beat me. The only reason anyone thought I won anything except an achy body and a neck that wouldn't turn for a week, was that she had given up. I guess that's a win? It doesn't feel like it.
So when I read that post this morning, about losing a fight, I thought "You didn't lose anything girl!". well, that's pretty much it. just felt like rambling for a while. thanks.
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