Living in the OC (pain killer addiction) Part 2

     So hopefully you've read my last post before skipping over to this one. This topic is gonna be a long one, but to me its totally worth it. And I promise, I'm not gonna be on this soap box every week. My world wouldn't be so random then, would it? Ok, back to the serious stuff.


     So we now know that your brain interprets your painkiller withdrawal as basically starving to death. And that surviving is our number 1 priority. So what else? Well, once we start doing things we consider questionable, like selling all of our stuff, and someone asks 'what the hell dude?', we begin to lie(cue dramatic music here). We are ashamed of what we are doing, and we don't want people we care about to know or try and make us stop. We can't have someone standing in our way now can we? No, sir-ee.

     Now we are alone, infants in our addiction, and we need to figure out how to go on. We seek out others like ourselves. These people "understand" us, help us get what we need, they even share their painkillers with us at first, and we do the same. We don't know that most of these friendships are really just the most basic symbiotic relationships. We just need them, and use them, and where we do it with a smile, we lie to ourselves and say "we're the best of friends", or, "he/she knows where i'm coming from." Yeah, that's bologna with a side of flim flam. But, like the rest of them, I did it too.

     As our addiction progresses though, we get our own dealers or connections, and even the new "friends" start getting in the way. They run out of their 'medicine' and come 'hang out'. You are now even hiding from them to do your pills. You only want to 'hang out' with them, when your out. But you tell yourself, your not like them, your actually coming to hang out, to get your mind off of things, to come up with a solution together. You want some Jive with that bologna?

     So now we are isolated from our real friends, and mostly from our drug friends, and now have nothing. No possessions, no friends, no hope, and possibly no food or utilities or maybe even a place to live. Think we've had enough yet? Nope. Things are terrible! "I need to get a pill so i can just figure all this out", "It's so unfair that so and so won't let me borrow some money, i'm good for it", "I'll remember them when I get back on my feet and they need help".  That's not even the worst of it. Despair turns to anger very quickly, and anger can lead you anywhere.

     So its very possible that addicts end up stealing, or worse than regular stealing, mugging people and hurting them. This will to survive has turned them into something that they'd never in a million years thought they'd be. A bad person. Deep down inside, they really aren't, but survivors don't care about anything but surviving.

     Here's the bad part. People see these "bad people" and say things like, "Just throw them all in Jail", or,  "These people are a waste of space". I've even heard and read people saying that it would be great if all the junkies would just die. How great that would be for them, they would just throw a party. This is a terrible way to see another human being. Someone who is really hurting, and needs help. We don't understand them, or know how to help them, so we just want them to die? This is what makes me even more sad than anything. This reaction to our fellow human beings. These are someones brother, sister, mother, father, son, or daughter.

     These people didn't sit in class in 3rd grade and answer the word 'junkie' to the question "And what do YOU want to be when you grow up?" Yep, that's the same person that wanted to be an astronaut, doctor, vet, or princess. And where we are now, you can take a look at a 3rd grade class, look in those innocent faces, and know at least 3 will be addicts, and at least 3 probably have an addict for a parent.

      So, after all that, What is the solution? Good question. I don't know. Big let down, I know. But I'll tell you this. Treatment can't hurt. Methadone has worse withdrawal than painkillers, and I for one, don't think its an answer, but it gets people off the streets, and possibly has saved the lives of the person on it, or the person they would have attacked for money.

     I personally lean more toward suboxone with weekly treatments in group and individual therapy. But, I'm biased. That's what got me off of drugs. That's what also got a few of my friends off of drugs once I was so grateful for getting my life back that I just had to pay it forward. So because i'm biased, I'm gonna tell you what i think about suboxone and therapy.

     With methadone, you start on a low dose and work your way up (sound familiar?). With suboxone, you start on the highest dose and work your way down. Suboxone's drug name is buprenorphine and naloxone. That's because it is two drugs in one. It comes as a tablet or film that you place under the tounge which is refered to as sublingual (sounds like underground jive talk i know) medicine.

     Suboxone works by introducing an opiate (painkiller) and an opiate blocker into your system. When you first start taking it, you feel the opiate. This gives your brain the thing its looking for, so it quits sending out pain signals to your body (its way of punishing you for not getting those pills it wants) and relaxes. After taking suboxone for a bit, the naloxone starts blocking these opiates. Your brain still senses them there, the naloxone has been present the whole time, but it builds up and overpowers the opiates. So now, your not experiencing your physical withdrawals (which some think are the worst part.)

     Well Jessica, if Suboxone works that good, why do you still need the therapy? Because, to get to the point of needing help with addiction, you've been on the drug for quite sometime now. You've learned certain behaviors and conduct yourself in ways you don't even realize now. You no longer cope with stress because you can take something for it. You don't have friends anymore, because the real ones can't handle what you've turned into, and the others use drugs, which you can't be around.

     Therapy give you the tools needed to deal with the stresses of everyday life, being an addict, coping with what you've done while you were scouting out drugs. They help you deal with the depression and guilt you will feel for doing the things you've done. And sometimes even find a root cause of why you ended up the way you did (that is, if you didn't get a prescription, some people start them socially).

     It also gives you a chance to see and speak with other recovering addicts. Some didn't end up as bad as you, and some ended up in a lot worse shape then you ever did. You start to realize that it could have gotten A LOT worse. These people and counselors have valuable things to tell you. Just as you had to learn how to get your pills and get by, you have to learn how to be sober.

     One misconception is that being sober is the same as going back to the way it was. WRONG!!! There is no back to the way it was, you are now either a sober addict, or an unsober addict. Sobriety takes work, and it gets easier, so much that you might hardly ever think of it. But the one day you could be channel surfing and see a milli second of intervention, or a second of a movie where someone is using or going through withdrawals, and you know that seeing that scene makes you feel different and stirs up different emotions than some of the others around you. You understand it, you relate to it, and its who you are now.

     So without therapy, suboxone (or any other thing i believe) doesn't really work. You have to be willing to put in the work. You've already found yourself in a world of hurt over believing in magic pills. Even if you could do this without help, why should you. When your car breaks, do you say, "I should be able to do this by myself. Lets just take some of this stuff out and have a look."? No. Do you do your own plumbing when your pipes burst? No. (well, except for the mechanics and plumbers out there, in which case when your Tv breaks, do you take it apart and fix it?...don't be a smarty pants!)  This is really no different than that. It is a service offered to people who do not specialize in recovery, cause if we did, we'd be better by now.



      There is a light at the end of the tunnel. And you are not a "worthless junkie". You are a human being, and people you don't even know, haven't even met, care about you. And when your ready, they'll be there. But the thing is, you have to want it, not your family, not your friends, you. And you have to do it for yourself, don't make up a reason to do it, cause if that reason goes away, what's to stop you now. Do it for you, and when your the best you can be, then you can make everything else around you better.





For information about suboxone and treatment you can call these numbers. These are professionals and can help you get the recovery you need. You don't have to be alone.


Hand of hope (606) 393-5926 (These people can help you get a doctor, and they do counseling sessions 5 days a week. They are located in the sky tower)


Counselors clinical cottage (606) 329-0727 (basically the same as above)






If you know of anywhere else, feel free to add the details in the comments section below. You never know, you might save a life with one comment.